Majak Daw Decides To Just Get It Over With And Change His Name To Magic Awesome

Fed up with the Australian media’s painful insistence on substituting the word ‘magic’ for his name, North Melbourne footballer, Majak Daw has made the sensational decision that from here on in he’ll be officially known as ‘Magic Awesome.’

Daw made the call over his standard 33 Weet-Bix breakfast on Monday, muttering to himself, “If I have to read one more pun headline about myself I’m going to f**king lose my mind.”

“The first couple of times I thought – “Oh ha ha, nice one guys, like I haven’t heard that one before” – but now it’s just getting sad. It’s great that people want to write about me and all but dead set, we get it, my name sounds a bit like magic. Get the f**k over it already,” he mused.

Sudanese born Daw, whose given name literally translates as “Stuart,” has attracted enormous media attention since his AFL debut in round 4 against the Brisbane Lions in which he spectacularly became just the 6,874th player in league history to take a mark and kick a goal.

“I’ll literally spew if I bring up the Herald Sun mobile site on my phone tomorrow morning and see another “Majak Happens” line. My parents don’t get it, they’re constantly asking me to do tricks for them. I’m pretty sure they think I’ve become some sort of celebrity magician. It’s f**ked.”

“Of course, the boys at the club have had their fun with it, but I tell ya what, if I walk in and see a newspaper clipping exclaiming “Daw-some!” stuck on my locker one more time, I’ll put a f**king hole through someone. I’m not kidding, look at me, I could literally do that you know?”

It was unclear as to why Daw hadn’t spoken to the media since his 6 goal haul against the Western Bulldogs, but it is now apparent that the blanket ban was a protest at the relentlessly awful punnery that is demeaning both he and his family’s name.

The usually mild mannered footballer went on: “You know what? F**k this. If they think they’re so clever I’m just going to go ahead and change my name to Magic. Magic Awesome. Pun yourselves stupid, f**kheads.”

Contemplating his new name, Daw continued. “Sure NBA legend, Earvin Johnson is already widely known as Magic, but it’s not like he owns the name. At least as far as I know he doesn’t. I guess I better check that first.”

“Oh and don’t even get me started on everyone’s f**king obsession with my body. I’ve already decided I’m taking next preseason off, I don’t give a f**k what Brad Scott says.”